The last time that I recommitted myself to not counting calories, something weird occurred concurrently: I lost my taste for some of my favorite convenience foods. The two I relied on most were protein bars (mostly Luna bars) and Lean Cuisines/microwaveable lunches.

At work we only get a half an hour break, which is sort of criminal but has the bonus of making it nearly impossible to waste your money by going out for lunch every day (don't worry, we still have the option of paying $9, or $8.50 with our discount, in the cafeteria for an "artisan" turkey sandwich, meaning they put pesto on it.) I turned to microwaveable lunches because they're cheap, easy, and the nutritional stats really aren't bad- generally a fair amount of protein and fiber with some micronutrients thrown in. I still don't think they are a terrible option for you, but I started to realize how much sodium and sugar and, frankly, weird ingredients that I can't identify they contain. I started to get the feeling that they (conspiracy ahead, please disregard if you don't like woo woo) were engineered specifically to make me crave their products because of the stuff they contain. Overall, I just thought it might be healthier to pack my lunch with something that wouldn't survive the nuclear holocaust.

The main options have been: leftovers from the night before, pasta salad, pita pockets stuffed with cheese and apple and turkey, and salad with whatever protein I can find. Now, I have not sworn off all convenience foods- who the hell has time to make EVERYTHING from scratch? I guess I could order a wife from Russia to do that for me but she might be prettier than me and my apartment is too small. So I do rely on some packaged stuff but I try to make sure they don't contain weird stuff. Like my new friend, Trader Joe's Tabbouleh! Nothing but bulgur, parsley, garlic, lemon juice, tomatoes and some other spices. Nom. I'm currently eating it on a salad with mixed greens, persian cucumbers, mini bell peppers and Gruyere. Tasty. Just crying out for a giant bowl of figgy pudding to make up for the healthfulness (yes, I'm craving figgy pudding and I don't know why.)

Let's go to Trader Joe's!

Xtreme Coopining

I've felt like a bit of a fraud since I'm not as into sugar free/diet food stuff. For the most part, I've given them up in favor of eating only stuff I really like, which generally translates into not eating as much as I once did so the calorie intake is probably pretty much the same. I even purposefully seek out the Greek yogurt with some fat (which can be hard to find.) But I still love food and like to blog occasionally, so let's just agree that on those occasions I will just write about food, whether it be healthy food or not. Sounds good to me.

So today I wanna talk about grocery shopping, and more specifically, the best way to save your broke as some money by using coupons. There is great controversy on the pronunciation of the word "coupon." I believe in my heart that the proper way is "coo-pon", but other pronuciations include "cue-pon" and, on the "warsh" and "pitcher" end of the scale, "coopin." I kinda like "coopin", so much so that I wrote coopin on the front of my coopin envelope and henceforth will always refer to them as coopins.

I really can't remember if my mom used them when I was a kid- I think she did and I probably found it mortifying so I've blocked it out. I started using them when I moved out of my parents' house a few years ago and experienced what it is to buy all of your own crap. Here's how it is: lame. Enter coopins.

I read a message board that snarks on TV shows, and they love to hate Extreme Couponing. Lots of people on the board claim that coupons don't really save you any money, and they refer a lot to "coupon math" with a fair amount of derision. I just think they aren't doing it right. It took me awhile to get good at it, but now I'm a coopin queen. Here are some tips:

1. Coopins won't help you if the generic is cheaper. Don't be a dummy- your coopin for 50 cents off Campbell's chicken stock isn't doing you any good if the generic stuff is a dollar cheaper anyway. Make sure it's actually saving you money. BUT don't forget that sometimes the generic sucks, so know your limits.

2. Coopins work best when combined with sales. I think Kroger is the best grocery store because their prices are better AND the Kroger plus card can save you a shit ton of money, especially if you coopin. Most of the time, I won't use the coopin unless it's also on sale with the plus card, because in general, generic is always cheaper (though I prefer not to buy generic for boring philosophical reasons and if you wanna hear them, leave a comment.)  A good example is AlmondBreeze almond milk. Regularly, it's like $3.59 a carton, but it's often on sale with the plus card for $2.99, and they put out coopins all the time for $1.00 off. So really, you've saved $1.60. Most of the time, if it's not on sale too, I won't even buy it. Which leads me to the next tip:

3. Know when to say, "Not this week." Be patient. Wait till it's onsale unless it's something you need desperately. This also lends itself well to not buying food you'll waste just because you have the coopin. That doesn't help you.

4. The circular is my friend. I get the Thursday paper now, and literally the only part I read is the Kroger ad. I take a look, sit down with my giant binder of recipes and my coopin envelope, and plan my meals for the week. It saves a tremendous amount of money and cuts down on food waste. For example, last week I saw that top sirloin was on sale and immediately thought of a recipe I had for mushroom-sirloin skewers that I hadn't made yet because top sirloin is fucking expensive! But it wasn't that week, so I made it, and all is well. This is especially useful for meat: if you have room in your freezer, ALWAYS check what kinds of meat are onsale and stock up if something special (this week it was center cut pork chops) is a good price. Also helpful for canned pantry items.

I have more but this is getting boring. I used these tips to do my grocery shopping today, which will make me lunch every weekday, breakfast every morning, snacks, and 3 dinners with lots of leftovers, plus a few pantry stocking items & the porkchops that were onsale. My receipt says that I saved $26.60 with my plus card and coopins- 29%. Keep in mind that I buy at least 50% organic, and this is all pretty healthy food, and I'm pretty happy with it.

Good luck with your coopins!

I'm BAAAACK!

Excuse the really lame title of this post. But it's been a long while. I think it's been such a long time because I thought, "No one really cares what diet I'm indulging in or what I'm putting into my mouth. I don't take pictures of my food or post the incredibly boring meal I'm having on Facebook, so why make a fuckin blog about it?" (Seriously everyone on my timeline, lay the hell off of the status updates that say "Chicken salad with roasted red peppers on ciabatta for dinner!" as if you deserve a medal for actually getting in your kitchen and cooking something for yourself. Big deal. People do it all over the world, all the time. Yes, I realize I used to do just that on this very blog but I've grown up and realized nobody cares.) But I'm posting tonight because something on TV caught my eye.

I'm currently settled in my chair in front of an episode of Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition and Lord, is it pissing me off. Did anyone ever think that our culture places such a premium on thinness that just being a normal weight is not ok, so people who have perfectly normal bodies just give up and let themselves go because, hey, I won't ever be perfect, so fuck it? Clearly that doesn't explain the fact that people make a lot of horrible food choices and are sedentary and are just misinformed about nutrition and what they're REALLY putting in their mouths. I know that.

But come the hell on. I think a lot of my own issues with my body stem from this very idea. For a long time, I was always on the slightly heavy end of normal weight for my body. I thought this was totally unacceptable and I don't think I've ever really gotten over it- I needed to be THIN because THIN was the best weight to be. Conversely, I am at exactly the normal weight for my height (smack in the middle of normal BMI) and when people call me skinny, I have to acknowledge that it's Just Not True. Just like normal weight is not Fat, normal weight is not Skinny just because nobody is a normal weight anymore. And I still sometimes feel seriously crappy, like my totally normal body weight is just too big, because it isn't skinny, and damnit, I want to be skinny. But I also want to eat cake sometimes and not be totally neurotic about every bite I put in my mouth and be a complete prisoner to food, so FOR NOW (it's always just for now) I am going to move the hell on with my life. I quit counting calories. I feel better. Can we just accept that our frames/body types have a lot to do with genetics, and that some of us are naturally more thin and some of us are naturally a bit more stocky and that it's ok? Can we? Obese= not normal but variations in frame/weight= totally normal.

Back to the TV show. Two things are bothering me. 1: this lady has lost 77 pounds. It's time for her weigh in. Sprightly young gay trainer is very optimistic that she will be down to 250 pounds. She steps on the scale. Breathes are held, prayers said, commercial break is shown, and when we come back, she weighs 258 pounds. Everyone is absolutely HORRIFIED. Let alone that she lost 77 pounds, which is incredible. Nope, she is a FAILURE and WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH SALLY??? I think losing 77 pounds means that Sally deserves a damn minute to celebrate. Give her a damn minute.

But Sally isn't off the hook with me, which leads me to thing that is bothering me number 2. This quote: "I don't know how I'm going to work, look for a job, AND work out." Really, lady? I work a LOT. Some may say I'm a serious workaholic. I work my day job and I am rehearsing all week and I have shows every weekend. And I make time. I think the RDA of exercise is 45 mins 3 times a week. I know this lady spends 45 minutes 3 times a week either sitting around, watching tv, playing on the computer, or doing something else to waste time. You have time to work out. Walk, ride your bike, hula hoop. Move your ass. The fact that this lady is CRYING because she can't do 20 minutes of stationary bike is too much for me. I don't care if you are fat, thin, or normal- you have 45 minutes 3 times a week. The benefits are numerous. Do it.

Why I cooked a turkey burger on the stove instead of eating out in one of the culinary capitals of the world

I'm blogging for my apartment in NY today! I guess it isn't really mine, but it is for the next week because that's what my badge says. My friend was nice enough to sublet me his apartment while he is touring with Tokyo Disney, but the management will only let him sublet for two weeks at a time- which is the perfect amount of time for me, because if I miss work for longer than that I'll have to be scouring the Kroger for organic ramen. He was nice enough to do this for dirt cheap, so I am attempting to see how much money I can save.





One of the best things about this trip is that I have a kitchen, so I can cook. So shortly after arriving I walked up to Columbus Circle (I'd never been before- I don't think I've been that far uptown since I first visited NY when I was in junior high- I'm a lower-Midtown girl) to go to Whole Foods. In my last post I talked about how freaked out I am about non-organic stuff, so I thought this would be the best way to stick to that eating plan. I knew I'd still want to eat out sometimes (hello, it's New York, I need bagels and pizza and Crumbs cupcakes) so I mostly picked up stuff for breakfast and dinner. I get some Peace cereal, almond milk, Applewood farms turkey burgers (organic, no hormones- nom nom!), Willshire bacon (no antibiotics!), ground lamb (didn't say anything on the pack about how it was raised, but this was Whole Foods so I'm hoping it was humane), tons of organic produce, salad dressing, etc. (Side note- I couldn't believe that I was the only one I saw leaving the store who had brought her own bags- but this is NY, not San Francisco.) This is NY so stuff is more expensive, but it only set me back $81- that would last me maybe 2 days if I were eating out. So it's win-win! I'm saving money, I know where my food is coming from, and I know the nutritional info so I don't have to guess. I know having a kitchen isn't always possible, so I'd suggest researching chain restaurants (or local places, because those are best, but I know they aren't always around) that use organic or local ingredients- Chipotle is a big one, and tasty, too.

Patrick is coming to visit next week so all of this will be blown out the window (Shake Shack, here we come), but I at least feel like I've done damage control on my environmental impact.

It wouldn't be me without an obsession with working out, so rest assured that I brought Jillian Michaels Yoga Meltdown with me because it requires no weights and very little space (which is exactly how much space I have- this place is about 180 sq feet.) I've also been dancing my ass of at the Broadway Dance Center (5 and a half hours of classes yesterday!) Thus, I feel not a single pang of remorse for eating whatever the hell I want when I allow myself to eat out.

I'm off the the Village to hang out at The Strand (18 miles of books- holla!) Enjoy your weekend.

Freaked out about food

It's almost Halloween! Hands down, my favorite holiday. I like scary stuff and fall stuff and short skirts- all of which abound. Last night we carved punkins and had a weenie roast at my parents' house (those are the punkins Patrick and I did- his is the kitty, mine is the ghetto Jack the Pumpkin King.) This is a family tradition, but this year I had to bring my own hot dogs and buns because I have become a certifiable food crazy.

It started with this book: Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingslover (get it here: http://www.amazon.com/Animal-Vegetable-Miracle-Year-Food/dp/0060852569/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1320015388&sr=8-1 ). Kingslover is usually a fiction writer but this book chronicles her year living off nothing but locally grown, organic food in her small Appalachian community in Virginia. It is absolutely fascinating- the way she talks about the delicious food inspires food envy the likes of which I have not experienced since I read Julia Child's My Life in France.

It's also an amazingly compelling argument for eating locally and organically. The stats that scared me most were just how much of what we eat starts as mass-produced corn or soybeans. If they aren't directly putting it into our food in the form of syrups and additives, they're pumping our livestock full of it. I love animals but I'm not a vegetarian- but this book has definitely convinced me to do my best to purchase organic, free-range, or grass fed whenever possible. The other scary thing is the sheer amount of fossil fuels used to transport our food so that we can have strawberries in January. According to the book. for every 1 calorie of food in our grocery stores, 87 energy calories were burned to bring it there! That is really scary to me. I won't quote the book or give you every argument in there because you should just get it for yourself and read it (it's pretty popular so it should be at the library.)

I've always been nervous about the hormones and chemicals pumped into our food, but never enough to really read labels. I thought I was doing a good job of eating healthily because I pay attention to sugars, dietary fiber and protein, and I buy probably 60-75% organic produce. But boy oh boy, when you read the labels, you see all sorts of icky stuff they put in there- there is high fructose corn syrup in everything! The way I see it, there are 2 main reasons to go organic/read your labels/eat locally:

1. You are nervous about the additives, chemicals, hormones in food.

2. You are morally opposed to 6 big agrabusinesses getting all the money by running small farmers out of business and growing mass amounts of corn and soybeans that are inedible to humans and only used for feedlots.

I am both of these things. So today I went grocery shopping and only bought stuff that didn't have high fructose corn syrup, didn't have additives, and was organic and all-natural (except the laundry detergent and mascara. I don't know what the hell is in that stuff. Also, there may or may not be high fructose corn syrup in the toilet paper I bought.) I also bought some meat and animal-product substitutes because sometimes that's cheaper than free range, but I'll discuss that in another post. It was a little more expensive, sure. But not by that much. And in my opinion, if you're only buying stuff that's good for you, you're actually saving money on all the stuff you aren't buying, like chips and donuts. So in the end, it evens out. Also, if you watch your coupons or visit sites like http://coupons.com/, you can find a lot of good deals on healthy, organic stuff. Trader Joe's is great too, and Marsh usually offers organic produce for the same price as regular. Kroger, my chain of choice, has almost everything organic that they have regular and it's generally less than a dollar more.

I also really believe that the hormones in our food are making us fat. I think I've said this before, but when I look at pictures of my mom from when she was my age, she is so skinny. Like, her bone structure is so much smaller, and I really believe it's because she was developing in an era when our food wasn't so pumped full of crap. So I'm going to see if, by eating the same things but using organic instead of regular, I will lose any weight.

I'll leave you with an image of me and my adorable cat, Petunia. She is very friendly and takes after me- the other day she bitch-slapped the other cat for getting too close to her food.

Dumb Diets

I am so fascinated by the diets people try. Some have a pretty high success rate, like South Beach (boyfriend lost 30 lbs earlier this year on it- and, a quote from my friend Craig: "Diets don't work. They're all bullshit. Except South Beach, I lost a ton of weight on that.") Others sound awesome yet are not- like the Hollywood Cookie Diet. If eating cookies were a diet, I'd be in the starvation ward right now getting fed through a tube because I'd weigh 80 lbs. No matter the diet, I'll at least peruse the book even if I have no intention of ever following it, mostly because I'm always intrigued by the science and philosophy behind these diets. One I picked up recently is http://www.amazon.com/Dr-Gundrys-Diet-Evolution-Waistline/dp/0307352129/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1319691980&sr=8-1 - Dr. Gundry's Diet Evolution. My good friend Kimberly told me about this when I visited her in San Francisco. The philosophy is that, with the modern diet and methods of exercise, we are activating "killer genes" which make us gain weight and cause a whole host of other health problems. Our current diet, heavily based on grains, sends a message that "winter is coming" and causes our bodies to hold onto fat. The diet advocates eating essentially like you eat when you do South Beach phase 1 or 2 (little to no grains products, protein, tons and tons of green veggies and no sugars other than those found in some fruits.) This supposedly tells your body "winter is now" and forces it to burn fat for energy. The longer you do the diet, the less meat you eat until you are mostly getting protein from tofu, tempeh, and seafood.

I have some really mixed feelings on this after reading some of the book. Kimberly lost lots of weight doing it, and in theory it should work- protein is actually the least efficient way for your body to get energy, because it has to work hard to metabolize it (you burn something like 16% of the calories from protein you consume just by metabolizing it.) And if you are already a vegetarian and really like veggies, than this could really work for you. However, I do not want to live my life eating rabbit food. What is the point of living forever if you can't have cupcakes sometimes (meaning twice a week)? I also have a hard time believing that our "genes are killing us" when we feed them sugar or dairy or grains or fruit- haven't people been eating bread and honey and apples and cheese since Cleopatra was riding around in her litter? Haven't Japanese people been eating white rice since the days of the samurais, and they're outliving us all?

What really disturbed me about the book, though, was the chapter where he advocated fasting on alternate days and skipping meals to further put stress on your body and keep your metabolism on its toes. He even admits that it's against conventional wisdom to skip meals or not eat when you're hungry. My opinion is this- unless you have absolutely iron willpower, there is no way in hell you will succeed on a diet that leaves you starving half the time. The best advice I've heard on this topic is: "the best diet is the one you can actually do." There is no better way to set yourself up for an epic binge than to wait until you're ravenous to eat. I have no doubt that this diet works, provided you can actually do it. And who the hell can do it? Not me. I went to bed hungry Monday night and two hours ago I polished off two bowls of death by chocolate ice cream with Butterfingers crumbled on top out of residual hunger.

Furthermore, I am really disturbed by the idea that, if you just push through it, you'll like the feeling of being hungry and it will make you feel "clean" and "pure." That's the same thinking that they advocate in Skinny Bitch. Let me say that there is nothing morally superior about your ability to not eat. It just makes you hungry and me annoyed with you. There are far better diets, or ways of eating, than to eat nothing but romaine. I'll discuss them later.

That's all for now, but I'll leave you with a picture of me and my new favorite cup. I love cups. And I love Hello Kitty. Where can one go wrong?

On whole foods and nakedness

In less than a month, I have to be naked in front of 400 people.

Not completely naked. I get pasties. And I think my stomach will be covered. But still.

PBS gave my work some nice funding to put together a history of burlesque show in conjunction with the Ken Burns documentaries about Prohibition. I have wanted to do burlesque since I first heard of Dita von Teese and learned what the neo-burlesque movement is about, so I jumped at the chance.

Actually, I'm not that scared about being naked in front of people. The cool thing about burlesque these days is how body positive it is. And really, I don't hate my body. Not the way I did, say, this time two years ago (that was truly awful and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.) I'd say the feeling I have is closer to resentment. I resent my body for not being able to run faster. I resent my body for having cellulite. I resent my body for being hungry again an hour after I eat. But really, it is a perfectly good body. It has served me well. It lets me dance and walk and wrestle and skate and all manner of cool things.

But I realized I have this dumb fantasy of getting onstage in my skimpy clothes and everyone gasping in awe at my Greek God-like body. I know that isn't going to happen, and I definitely know it isn't going to happen in less than a month. But I can attempt to feel good about my body when I get up there. The way I traditionally do this is to diet. Can't help it- dieting is kind of fun to me. It gives my obsessive brain something to do- planning meals, shopping for the best deal, etc. I love that shit.

Recently I picked up a cookbook about whole foods. I always hear famous people talking about "well, my diet is mostly whole foods." Yeah, asshole, mine too- a whole pizza, a whole donut, a whole hamburg. But by reading this cookbook, I think I have a better grasp of it- it essentially means using less processed, pre-packaged stuff, using more veggies. I think why this sounds hard is that, as I have learned, lots of people can't cook. Not just, they aren't very good or don't know how to make many things- they just plain can't cook. They must have never been hungry enough to learn (my dad once asked me, "How did you learn to cook?" to which I replied, "One day I was hungry and all we had were ingredients." It really is that easy.)

I already cook dinner every night so I thought I'd give it a shot. For the first time in years, I'm going to cook tofu for a main dish. I'm looking forward to it. But eating whole foods isn't really my diet- counting calories is. Counting calories is really the only thing that works for me, because I can't do South Beach or any of that stuff because if I don't have ice cream and tacos I'll go crazy and murder my family. But I find that eating this way makes it a little easier to keep my calories in check- in part because I include lots of vegetables and they're low calorie, but also because I think I know I'll feel better.

At present, I'm doing the unhealthy thing and telling myself this healthy eating and calorie counting nonsense is only until I'm done being naked in front of people. But I'm doing more burlesque in January (where I will be far less naked, but still) and regardless, I'm sick of being uncomfortable with my body. My goal is to lose weight, sure. But maybe it will make me happier. Happier than ice cream, though? Maybe not.